Annihilate Me: Holiday Edition Read online

  “Are you finished?”

  “I just got started.”

  “Look, Barbara. Here’s why I’m here. Alex and I are going to go to his home on Hancock Point. We’d love it if you, Alexa and Daniella would also join us.”

  She threw back her head. “Why are you turning my morning into a Shakespearean tragedy in which everything I know dies? First you come in looking nothing like the polished young woman I know you can be, and then you tell me that you and Alex are going into a dark world of weird bedroom experiments. As if that isn’t enough, now you’re talking about taking me and my girls away to some secluded kind of holiday hell that, if we’re being honest here, probably has frozen over at this point.”

  “It’s beautiful in Maine this time of year.”

  “It’s desolate, cold, and lonely.”

  “Oh, it is not. You’ve been to the Point before.”

  “In the summer.”

  “Fine, try the winter. It can’t hurt. And what’s your other option? Staying in your apartment with your girls for yet another year in the city? Going to another restaurant and having awkward conversations about boys? There’s some excitement for you. Why not mix it up? Try something new? Give the girls a new experience that they’ll remember—”

  “With hostility?”

  “You’re in a mood this morning. But come on. Be serious with me for a minute. No more joking, OK? We’re inviting all of you because we want to be with you. You’re our family. We love you and we want to share the holiday with you. We’ll trim the tree together, I’ll teach you and the girls how to make my grandmother’s warm apple cider, we’ll have a wonderful Christmas Eve, and then we’ll open presents on Christmas morning before making Christmas dinner later in the day. There’s more than enough room for all of us—you know that.”

  With our typical sparring over, her face softened and she shook her head at me. “I don’t know,” she said. “The girls have friends here. They’ll want to spend time with them because they haven’t seen them in months. And I don’t see them often enough. For years I put work before Alexa and Daniella. They still resent me for it, but I’m trying to fix that. I want to make sure that they’re happy when they come home. I want a better relationship with them.”

  “Maybe without the distractions of the city, that could be possible. It’s not as if we’re going to be there forever. It’s for a few days. What could go wrong? Their winter break must go into the middle of January, which means they’ll be back in the city for New Year’s Eve. That’s when they’ll really want to be in town.”

  She looked at me, but didn’t answer.

  “I want to spend Christmas with you,” I said. “You know you’re my surrogate womb.”

  “I wish you wouldn’t put it that way. It makes me feel like I’ve been reduced to a body part. Worse, it makes you sound like a hippie.”

  “I do it to tease you.”

  “And you do it so well.”

  “As if you don’t. How about if you give the girls a call right now and see what they think?”

  She leaned back in her chair. “All right, Maine. Look—I’ll come clean with you. I appreciate that you thought of us, but my daughters can be difficult, which probably comes as no surprise to you since I did, after all, give birth to them.”

  “They can’t be that bad.”

  “Sometimes they aren’t. Sometimes they can be sweet. But they also can be downright rude—especially Daniella—which I won’t tolerate since they’re now adults and know better. I dealt with their bad behavior when they were children because kids are kids. But now that they’ve grown up, I’ll have none of it and they know it.”

  “It’s that bad?”

  “It can be. It all depends on their moods. I’ve told you in the past how strained my relationship is with them. Still, despite that, they’ve chosen to spend their holiday with me and not with their father, so that gives me hope that we can turn things around. I’d rather not blow that opportunity.”

  “Asking a question isn’t blowing anything. Ordering them to do something is. Do you think they’re awake now?”

  “Like their mother, they’re both morning people. They were up when I left.”

  “How about posing the question to them? If they decline, we are fine with that. If they accept, we’ll be over the moon. All we’d like is for you to ask them, and to see what they think. It’s up to them, right? Does that sound fair?”

  “OK, fine.”

  “I promise it will be fun.”

  She picked up the phone. “It better be. They’ll be miserable if it isn’t, and we’ll all pay the price for it.”

  “Maybe you and the girls can cook together?”

  “And let them see me fail? Never. It’s roughage and ice for me. You know I don’t cook.”

  “I also know that you’re an overachiever. And that maybe your daughters would like to see you cook a traditional holiday meal.”

  She seemed to pause when I said that, and then she started to tap out numbers and held up a finger so I wouldn’t speak. “Alexa?” she said. “It’s Mother. No, no, everything’s fine. I’m just calling to talk. No, Alexa, that doesn’t signify the onset of the apocalypse. Anyway, I wanted to ask you and your sister a question. Can you get Daniella on the other line? I’ll wait.”

  She looked at me and raised her eyebrows as if I’d lost my mind. I mouthed the words, “Thank you.”

  She mouthed the words, “You’re probably going to regret this.”

  “Daniella?” she said. “Is that you? No, there’s no emergency. Listen, I want to ask you girls a question. Be completely honest with me, because I’ll do whatever you want to do. OK? I mean that. Whatever you want. That said, we’ve been invited to go to Alex’s home on the Maine coast for the holiday. Just for a few days. It will be Jennifer and Alex, and the three of us.”

  I wanted to tell her that we were also asking Lisa and Tank, but since I had no confirmation from them, I had let it slide until I knew for sure.

  “I’m assuming we’ll take one of Wenn’s Lears. Yes, both of you girls are of age, so of course you can imbibe. I agree, it will be cold there. Mmm-hmm. Hold on.” She looked at me. “Will they have separate bedrooms?”

  “They’ll share one.”

  She put her hand over the phone. “That won’t go over well.”

  “Let them know that it has a spectacular view of the ocean, a private bath, and also a large, wood-burning fireplace.”

  “You’ll share one. I know, I know, but listen to me. It has a spectacular view of the ocean, a private bath, and also a large, wood-burning fireplace. What’s that? Yes, presents will be opened there. We’ll also have a homestyle Christmas dinner, and drinks and fun with Jennifer and Alex on Christmas Eve.” She went quiet and I could hear the girls talking on the phone. “Yes, you’ll be home in time for New Year’s Eve. This is just for Christmas.”

  I heard more talking, and then Blackwell’s eyes popped. “You want me to cook dinner?” She looked at me and I waved a hand to calm her down. I could help her. I mouthed the words, “I’ve got your back. I know how to cook.”

  “Of course, I’ll cook dinner,” she said. “Yes, I’m sure. I know I don’t cook much—or at all—but once, your grandmother taught me a good deal about cooking when I was young. Yes, Daniella, I understand that was a century ago. So, am I hearing you right? You want to come? You do? Really? Well, goodness. Christmas in Maine it is, then. I’ll have more details for you tonight. Now, you have my credit cards, so go and have a blast when you shop today. Splurge, splurge, splurge. Yes, even at Cartier, but within reason. We’ll talk more tonight.”

  She hung up the phone.

  “I guess we’re coming. They actually sounded interested. They love Alex—always have. But they also want to meet you.”

  “I’m beyond happy,” I said. “I can’t tell you.”

  “I’ve warned you, Maine. I know those two. You’re going to take that back.”

  “We’ll see.”
/>   “They want me to cook dinner for a reason, you know.”

  “What reason? I can help you.”

  “Because I’ve rarely cooked for them. They just gave me a challenge. They know I can’t cook. They’re putting me to the test. But I’ll show them. I’ll just learn how to cook a proper holiday meal beforehand.”

  “There are a lot of steps to that....”

  “They’re not going to win this one. I’ve got this. In fact, I have to get this. I have to prove them wrong and set an example. I’ll read up on what to serve, what to prepare, when to prepare it, and I’ll do the cooking, whether I ruin it or not. Probably the former. If I need to lean on you, I will.”

  “One other thing,” I said.

  “What other thing?”

  “I’m going to ask Lisa and Tank to join us, so you might be cooking for seven. If Tank has plans with his family, then it will just be the six of us. So, plan on six or seven.”

  Blackwell held back her shoulders and looked at me with a steady eye. “When do we leave?”

  “On the twenty-third.”

  “That’s not far away. I’ll need to start watching those cooking shows on that food channel thing. I’ve watched them before, if only out of curiosity. What I don’t want is that skinny little Italian bitch teaching me anything. I want the fat one. The contessa. A fat cook obviously loves their own food, so she’s got to be good. And I’ve heard from friends who know her in the Hamptons that she’s very good. So, I’ll follow her lead.”

  “Your friends are right—she is good. But you’ll need to cook everything—from pies to the bird. It’s too much for one person. Let me help you. Alex can, too—he’s a great cook. We can make a mock dinner at his apartment one night. Maybe this Saturday. Just the three of us while the girls are out with their friends. We can go through the motions of what my grandmother taught me, what your mother taught you, what Alex learned from the family cook, Michelle, and we’ll see how it goes. It’ll be dry run, but hopefully it will turn out to be moist.”

  “You know how to cook?”

  “I’m a Maine girl. I know how to cook.”

  “I didn’t know that Alex cooked. His mother certainly didn’t teach him.”

  “Are you listening to me? He learned from Michelle, whom he considers something of a mother figure. He’s very good.”

  She thought about that for a moment, but then she shook her head. “It’s on me—all of it. I’m going to prove to my girls that I can do this by herself. When it was just me and Charles, we always went out to eat on Christmas. I hated to cook because I’m not very good at it. The few times I tried, Charles made a visible show of eating nothing, so I gave up because I grew tired of his insults. I’ve never once cooked a proper holiday meal for either of my daughters, which is probably why they challenged me. If we’re doing this, I’m going to show them that their mother can do it on her own and without help.”

  Sweet Jesus, she doesn’t know what she’s in for. But I needed to support her, because I could sense how important it was to her. “I’m proud of you,” I said.

  “We’ll see how proud you are of me on Christmas, when I bring out the burnt bird and the soggy pies. But I’ll give it my best shot, and you and I both know I don’t like to fail. Ever. I’ll ask for help from Lisa and you only should I absolutely need it.”

  “You’ve got us.”

  “That’s fine, but I’ll only use you in an emergency.”

  I smiled at that but I didn’t reply, because for a woman who had never cooked a meal as complicated as this particular meal, there was every chance in the world that what we’d be eating would be ruinous if she didn’t allow Lisa and I to intervene.

  CHAPTER THREE

  In my office, I had to deal with a few issues before I was able to call Lisa. When I did, she picked up on the second ring.

  “Zombies Anonymous,” she said.

  “Aren’t you happy that you have caller I.D.?”

  “Indeed. What’s up? I missed you last night.”

  “Did you see Tank at all?”

  “Unfortunately, no.”

  “But I thought you were going to.”

  “Something came up, I guess.”

  “If I knew you were going to be there alone, I would have stayed home,” I said, meaning it. “You and I aren’t spending enough time together.”

  “It’s fine. Look, I get it. You’re engaged. You should be with Alex as much as possible, especially after the hell you two just went through. It’s not an issue. Frankly, I just throw myself into writing, which these days is where I’m happiest.”

  “How’s the new book coming along?”

  “Almost finished with the first draft.”

  “You’re an animal.”

  “Actually, most of my characters are. I’m just driven. So, what’s going on? I rarely hear from you when you’re at work.”

  “I was wondering what you were doing for Christmas?”

  “I was going to ask you about that soon. I know you want to be with Alex. This will be your first Christmas together. I was thinking of either staying here alone and working on the book, being with Tank if that’s something that interests him, or going home to see the rents. It’s been months. I probably should see them at some point.”

  “How about spending time in Maine with me?”

  “You mean with our parents?”

  “Hell no. At least not with mine.”

  “I didn’t think so. What do you have in mind?”

  “You know that Alex has a house on the Point. We’d like to invite you to join Blackwell and her two daughters to celebrate the holidays with us there.”

  “Blackwell and her daughters?”

  “They’re coming. I just nailed it down.”

  “What about Tank?”

  “Alex is talking to him today to see if he’s interested. We know he’s from the midwest. He might already have plans to go home. But if he doesn’t, maybe he’ll come along with us. Do you know what his plans are?”

  “I haven’t asked him. I was hoping that he’d ask me.”

  “He hasn’t yet?”

  “Not yet. And there hasn’t even been a peep about New Year’s. I don’t get it, Jennifer. A few weeks ago, he was all gobsmacked and lovey dovey with me when we had dinner with you and Blackwell at Alex’s. I believe he said ‘thank you’ twice when he saw me. Since then, things have cooled off a bit.”

  “Why?”

  “Who the hell knows? I don’t. But I’m certainly trying.”

  “I don’t get it.”

  “Neither do I. He’s complicated. I think he still feels burned after being cheated on by his last girlfriend. If that’s what his problem is, then I get it—the relationship lasted five years. But I’m not her!”

  “No, you aren’t.”

  “So, I don’t know if this is going to work out between us. I really like him, I’m beyond attracted to him, but we both have way too much baggage between us because of our past relationships.”

  “If he did agree to come, how would you feel?”

  “To be honest? I’d be happy. It would be a step in the right direction. If he went knowing that I was going to be there, it would show some interest on his part.”

  “This has been a roller coaster for you two. I wish it was going better. He’s a great guy.”

  “I know he is. I agree. But it is what it is. I can’t change him or the situation.”

  “Don’t give up on him yet.”

  “At some point, I’ll need to. But if he does go to Maine, what are the sleeping arrangements?”

  “Each of you would have your own room.”

  “That’s good.”

  “Is it?”

  “Look, at this point, if he’d just make a move, I’m more than ready to go there with him. We’ve been dating for months now. It’s time for something to happen beyond a mere kiss at the end of the night. It’s time for a major next step. Otherwise, we’ll likely end up being friends.”

  �
�Do you feel anything when he kisses you.”

  “Right down to my toes.”

  “Do you think he does?”

  “Actually, I do. Which just makes this situation even more fucked up.”

  “Who knows? Maybe the powers of Christmas magic will get you properly laid.”

  “Right,” she said. “And in a house filled with people who will hear every moan and groan.”

  “Oh, no,” I said. “You haven’t been to the house. It’s big. Not huge like some houses on the coast, but it certainly isn’t small. The bedrooms aren’t on top of each other, either—they’re kind of spread out over three levels, two of which are on the first level. Those could be yours and Tank’s. Each has its own attached bath, so you’d both have your own suite. If you two did decide on that next step, no one would know unless you started to howl at the moon.”

  “You know I’m a moaner.”

  “Maybe you could stifle it….”

  “His name is Tank. Look at the size of him. If he’s anatomically correct, which I certainly hope he is, I’ll be destroyed.”

  “Just bite your bottom lip.”

  “I’d cut through it.”

  “Take it out on the mattress.”

  “If Tank and I go there, Alex better have a supply of them. There will be no stopping me.”

  I giggled at that.

  “Look, either way, I’m onboard,” she said. “I really didn’t want to go home to see the rents just yet. I was hoping to do that in the spring or summer, when the third book is out and I will have been gone a full year. I want them to see that they were wrong about us lasting a year in New York. That’s important to me because they doubted whether we could do it, which we will. So, at the very least, count me in, even if I turn out being a third wheel.”

  “So long as I’m around, you’ll never be the third wheel. And I told you, Blackwell and her two daughters will be there. Alexa and Daniella are just a few years younger than us, so we’re all right around the same age, which is great, even though Blackwell warned me that they can be difficult.”