Annihilate Me: Holiday Edition Read online

  “Daniella,” Blackwell said.

  “Well, it’s true. I want that butt. How did you even get that butt.”

  “French Canadian genes.”

  “Is that all?”

  “Maybe some fries.”

  “That explains it,” she said with a smile and a nod. “Good for you. You’re super hot.” She looked at her mother. “You stole away the butt genes, so I need a bucket of fries. And whatever else Jennifer eats. I want to look like that.”

  “You are perfectly fine the way you are.”

  “Oh, mother, please. The really good-looking boys at school don’t even look at me. I’ve told you that. I either need implants up here or down there. Choose, or I’ll live with Dad, who will give me what I want.”

  “I doubt that he’ll give you that.”

  “You never know. Children of divorced parents tend to get what they want. Dad’s got as much money as you do. And I want her ass.”

  “Daniella,” Alexa said.

  “I’m just sayin’.”

  And she was saying plenty about herself—I couldn’t believe she just played the divorce card with her mother. That girl was going to be a handful, but hopefully, since we were close enough in age, I’d be able to help Blackwell manage her during our stay in Maine.

  “Is everyone ready to go?” Alex asked.

  “I’m ready,” Lisa said.

  “I’m more than ready,” Tank said.

  “I’m with them,” Alexa said.

  “I could stay in New York,” Daniella said. “Except that I need some drama, and I think I’m going to find some of that in Maine. Everyone looks so tense. Why do you all look so tense? Look at Tank and Lisa—all tense. Are they a couple or aren’t they? My mother keeps questioning that at home. But looking at them now, I don’t think they even know at this point, when really, they obvi should be screwing each other and having some fun. Am I the only one who feels their sexual tension? No? Fine. Just you wait. Tank’s Christmas balls will be banging in the middle of the night while the rest of us try to sleep.”

  “Daniella!” Blackwell said.

  “Mom, please.”

  “Mom, please, nothing. Get in line.”

  “Whatevs.”

  Oh, dear, I thought, glancing at Tank and Lisa, who looked mortified. They are monsters, especially Daniella. This might not go well at all…

  “You’ll find five packed SUVs just outside,” Tank said. “It’ll be a miracle if everything fits into one plane.”

  “If we need to take another plane with us, that’s not an issue,” Alex said, trying to keep the peace.

  “What about the greenhouse gasses?” Alexa said.

  “What about the what?” Blackwell said.

  “The greenhouse gasses. We should try to get everything into one plane. We’ll help to save the world that way.”

  “You’re so full of shit, Alexa,” Daniella said.

  “No, I’m not. I’m just aware of what’s happening to our world, while you’re more interested in getting laid and causing trouble. You’re so fucking shallow, Daniella.”

  “Some boys say I’m deep.”

  “Enough,” Blackwell said.

  “Well, it’s true,” Daniella said.

  “It probably is,” Alexa said. “You’re such a slut. It’s disgusting.”

  “What’s disgusting is that you haven’t even been laid yet.”

  “My choice.”

  “Is it? Or are you just unlucky in loooooove?”

  “Please.”

  “Whatevs.”

  Blackwell took a breath, she looked at me, and her eyes widened in such a way that I knew what she was thinking. She was telling me that she told me so. “Will everything fit in one plane?” she asked.

  I looked at Tank.

  “It should, ma’am.”

  “Perfect. All right everyone, let’s go. Into the SUVs. Maine in two hours. I’ll need to do some shopping for Christmas dinner when we land, somebody will go after a tree joined by whoever wants to go, and we’ll decorate it on Christmas Eve.”

  “It’s New Year’s Eve that I’m talking about,” Daniella said.

  “But right now, we’re going to have a proper Christmas,” Blackwell said.

  “Proper?’ Daniella said. “Without father and with so many strangers? How is that proper?”

  And finally, an exasperated Blackwell had had enough. She went over to Daniella and towered over her. “Listen to me, girl,” she said in a low, cold voice. “If you want to go and be with your father, then do it. You can leave right now—the door is behind me and you can walk through it. You can go and enjoy all of the great times you know your loving father will offer you. Your choice. But if you want to be with the rest of us, I will not tolerate your moods or any kind of disrespect toward others on this trip. Either you be polite and appreciate what’s being offered to you, or you’re not going. I mean it, whether you hate me for it or not. You want to be a diva? Be it elsewhere. Respect your mother, and especially respect those around you. It’s you’re choice.”

  “Fine,” she said flippantly. “Sorry, everyone.”

  “You better say it like you mean it, or you’re staying here. I’m not joking. One more chance. Don’t you dare press me.”

  I watched Daniella look at her mother, saw that she seemed to assess whether Blackwell meant what she said, and when it appeared that she came to the conclusion that her mother did mean it, her shoulders dropped a bit. She looked at each of us. “I apologize. I was rude, especially to Tank and Lisa. I’m sorry about that. I didn’t mean any of it. It’s just difficult being a child of divorce—”

  “You’re not a child. You’re an adult. And this has nothing to do with me divorcing your father. In fact, I believe you and your sister are the ones who asked for it.”

  “Well, it’s still hard.”

  “Then we’ll talk about it in private. What happened between your father and me has nothing to do with my friends. Now, if you want, you may come with us. But if you do come, you need to understand that at this point, given your behavior, that coming with us is a privilege. Otherwise, I’ll call your father now, he’ll pick you up, and you can stay with him and his new girlfriend, Rita, which should be a fantastic time.”

  “Rita? No, she’s horrible. I want to go with you.”

  “Then shape up and lose the attitude. I didn’t raise you to be like this.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “You should be,” Alexa said.

  “Shut up, Alexa.”

  “Get in the SUVs,” Blackwell said. “Separate ones. And don’t you dare tell your sister to shut up again, Daniella. I’d like to be with you both over the holidays, but I will not tolerate bad behavior from either of you. I’m too old for it, and so are you. Frankly, if it’s going to go like this, I’d rather be with my friends.”

  “Seriously?” Daniella said. She sounded hurt.

  “Seriously. My children are now adults and I don’t do tantrums. I don’t want to hear one negative word from either of you on that plane or on this trip. If I do, I’ll ship you back to your father. And Rita. Don’t forget Rita. We’re going to Maine to have fun, not to tolerate a couple of spoiled brats. Do you hear me?”

  “All right, Mom.”

  “Jeez.”

  “I was only kidding about Tank and Lisa.”

  “I don’t care. Say your apologies again. Now. Or you’re not coming.”

  They each did.

  And with that, our holiday vacation began.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  When we were on the plane and in the air, I asked Barbara to come back into the Lear’s master bedroom suite to see if she liked a dress I chose.

  “I need your opinion,” I said. “I don’t know if the color is right, but you’ll know. I want to wear it on Christmas Eve, but I don’t think it’s red enough. I have another one that might be better. It’s super red.”

  “Of course,” she said, getting out of her seat.

  We went int
o the bedroom, and I closed the door behind us.

  “This isn’t about a dress.”

  “I didn’t think it was.”

  “Are you all right?”

  “I’m sorry about that.”

  “That’s not what I asked. I asked if you’re all right? I know that you want to be with your daughters, and that you want it to be perfect.”

  “Well, of course I do. But here’s what you need to know, Jennifer—I never raised them that way. They’re starting to take advantage of my divorce from Charles, which I won’t have. When they start to pour on the guilt because Charles and I broke off the marriage, I need to nip it in the bud, especially if they start to feel entitled because of it. They’re not. They aren’t children anymore. They’re adults. I expect them to behave as adults, or they can go their own separate ways. Do I want to make my daughters happy and show them that I can cook a good holiday dinner? Of course, even if it was a challenge. But I won’t do it if they continue to act up and take advantage of me. I will put them back on this plane if I have to. They will treat me and those around me with respect. I feel terrible for what Daniella said to Lisa and to Tank.”

  “I think you handled Daniella beautifully.”

  “And now she hates me for it. I can’t win. I probably shouldn’t have given her a public dressing down, but what choice did I have? We were about to leave. I couldn’t bear what she was saying. I snapped.”

  “I would have done the same thing.”

  “The truth is that she can be a sweet girl. Same with Alexa. I hope you get to see that over these next few days.”

  “Maybe all of us will. Maybe you just laid down the law.”

  She sat down on the bed, and I sat down beside her. It was rare for Blackwell to show me a trace of emotion, and certainly not defeat, but she did now. I could feel the weight of the situation pressing down on her. I could tell that she was second-guessing herself for agreeing to come at all.

  “I think you handled it well, especially after what she said to Tank and to Lisa. She was rude. She deserved what she got.”

  “What she said to them is what put me over the edge. Lisa and Tank don’t deserve that kind of treatment. Nobody does if they’ve done nothing to provoke it. If they have? Fine. Gloves off. But Daniella was just being a bitch. Pure and simple. And I don’t buy for a minute that her behavior has anything to do with Charles and me. Each of those girls came to me years ago and asked for me to end my marriage with him because they were tired of the arguments. Now, she’s just trying to get something out of the situation, which I refuse to accept because it’s disingenuous. When we’re in Maine, I plan to take Lisa and Tank aside, and to apologize to them myself.”

  I kissed her on the cheek. “Let’s go back in the cabin, play some old-fashioned Christmas music, and lighten the mood with a glass of champagne. What do you think?”

  “Maybe,” she said. “Maybe it’ll lighten them up.”

  “So, let’s see if it does.”

  “I’m leery. We’ll what the hell? Just one glass for each of them.”

  * * *

  And it went fine.

  For the next hour or so, all of us listened to music, we sipped champagne, Daniella and Alexa sang along with some of the songs they knew, and when they did, I looked across at Blackwell, who was seated across the aisle from Alex and me looking troubled and exhausted. I’d never seen her quite like this, with the few exceptions of when I was under attack at Wenn. At one point, when everything seemed as if it was going well, she turned and lifted her glass to me.

  It was at that moment that I blew her a kiss.

  Later, when we were about to land, Alex reached for my hand and held it in his lap. In my ear, he said, “You’re a miracle.”

  “No, I’m not,” I said quietly. “I was just raised in a family that had more issues than Barbara’s family has. I wish that my parents had divorced. They didn’t, so I learned how to cope with everything that was slung my way. All I did was have a chat with her. I wanted her to know that I am here for her, and that she can always talk to me.”

  “Sometimes, for a friend, that’s the best thing one can do,” he said. “That, and listen. Especially listen.”

  “I love you,” I said.

  “And I’ll say it again. You’re the love of my life. I can’t wait to tell everyone that we’ve set a date. And that I want Tank to be my best man. And that you want Lisa to be your maid of honor. That’s our Christmas present to us. Can you think of a better one? To share that with friends?”

  “I can’t.”

  “Have you noticed Lisa and Tank?”

  “I haven’t. I’ve been too distracted. What’s going on?”

  “Look at their hands.”

  I did, and I felt a spark of hope. “They’re holding hands.”

  “They have been since we got on the plane.”

  “I want so much for them. I want them to have what we have.”

  “I guess time will tell,” he said. “But for now? Things look good.”

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  When we arrived at Alex’s house on the Point, the snow was banked against the building, but a path had been cleared for us to use the entrance Alex used, which was at the back of the house facing the ocean. I noticed smoke wafting from each of the five chimneys, I saw a wreath hanging on the door, and I knew that whomever Alex had called to prepare the house had recently cleaned it, stocked the fridge, changed the linens, and likely much more.

  “We are so lucky,” I said when I stepped out of the SUV.

  “We are, aren’t we?” Alex agreed.

  “Beyond lucky. Look at this. Look how white the snow is. And smell the burning wood from the fireplaces. I love it here.”

  “You don’t get this in Manhattan.”

  “Oh, and look at the ocean. With the leaves off the trees, you can see even more of it from here. It’s so different from the last time we were here. It’s darker, more ominous. Over there is Bar Harbor. And there’s Cadillac Mountain.”

  “Beautiful.”

  I leaned into him, and spoke so only he could hear. “And there’s the beach you took me on. Do you remember?”

  “As if I’d forget.”

  “I’m assuming that won’t be happening on this trip.”

  “I told you that I can bear the shrinkage,” he said. “Even in Iceland, which was one of your challenges, if I remember correctly.”

  I looked at him as everyone got out of the SUVs, and said, “I remember, but there’s no longer any need for you to prove it to me. It’s about twenty degrees right now, and it’s only noon. There will be zero sex on the beach. If we attempted that, it would be more like flu symptoms began on the beach.”

  “I still could do it.”

  “Well, I couldn’t, Iron Man. That said, I’ll happily be waiting for you in bed tonight. You know—with a fire roasting just at the foot of the bed.”

  “I’ll warn you now. With that fire, you’re going to get all sweaty.”

  “Which is why we have our own bathroom, complete with tub and shower.”

  “Maybe I’ll also take you there.”

  “This isn’t Club Med. It’s Club Christmas.”

  “Just try to keep my hands off you.”

  I wrapped my arm around the low of his waist, and pulled him toward me while everyone looked at the house, at the snow, at the ocean, and smelled the clean air with satisfied sighs.

  “Lisa is the only one who wore sensible shoes,” I said. “At least when it comes to the women. Tank is wearing boots. What are you wearing? I haven’t even looked.”

  “Same boots as Tank. He bought them for me.”

  “He’s a good friend. Those boots are construction grade. And they’re kind of a turn on. Maybe we’ll take it to the beach after all.”

  “Don’t make any promises you can’t keep.”

  “Or maybe you can wear them later tonight. You know—in the bedroom.”

  “I can play that part.” He lifted his chin. “Loo
k at Blackwell.”

  “Poor thing. It’s as if she’s on the moon. I better help her and the girls walk safely. None of them is dressed for this.”

  I walked toward them. “Ladies,” I said. “This way. Watch your step. Go on the path. A large swath has been cleared for us, and by the looks of it, it’s been salted, so you’ll be fine.”

  “What kind of hell is this?” Blackwell said as she picked her way toward the house. “Look at it—it’s unfit for human life. Certainly they’ll uncover bodies in the spring.”

  “The salt is going to ruin my shoes,” Daniella said.

  “Think of it as an adventure,” I said.

  “An adventure that will ruin my Blahniks?”

  “Maybe Santa will bring you new shoes.”

  “Sorry. Right. I’m supposed to be polite or I’m back on the plane.”

  It was at that point that I decided to put my arm on her shoulder. “Daniella, we don’t know each other from hell, but I do want to get to know you. Your mother has told me wonderful things about you, especially about how hard you’re working at school.”

  She screwed up her face at me. “She has?”

  “She has. One year left, right? I thought so. I only got out last May with my MBA. We’re close in age, and I have to say that Lisa and I were really happy that you and Alexa were coming for that reason. Finally, girls of our own age that we can talk to.”

  “You seem so much older than us. You even look older than us.”

  I took that one for the team. “Not by much. Maybe two or three years. I hope we can become friends.”

  Before she could answer, I heard Alexa’s voice ring out. “Look, Mom. Look at the chimneys. Sustainable energy!”

  “Looks like smoke to me,” Daniella said. “What’s that doing to the atmosphere, Alexa? Terrible things. Air pollution is air pollution. Do your goddamned homework.”

  “At least it’s not from oil,” she said. “The world is running out of oil. Trees are sustainable.”

  “If you’re going to continue to morph into this new flower-child persona of yours, then at least do your homework. It’s solar energy that should make your nipples hard, Alexa. The world will run out of clean air faster with all that smoke pouring into the sky. Not that I care much. Jesus. If you’re going to wear the flower, be the flower. Just don’t be a fraud.”