Annihilate Me: Holiday Edition Read online

  “I’m not a fraud.”

  “You don’t know anything. You’re a poseur.”

  “A what?”

  “See. You don’t even know what that word means.”

  “Siri will tell me.”

  “Seriously? Siri? She can’t even understand you half the time.”

  “Anyway,” I said to Daniella before Alexa could respond, “it’s great to have you here.”

  “You sure about that?”

  “I am.”

  She lifted her eyes to me and then she seemed to make a decision. “Look, I’m sorry if I’m being a total bitch. Here’s what no one knows—not even my mother. But you’re still pretty much a stranger, so what the hell? Sometimes it’s easier talking to a stranger.”

  “What’s the matter?”

  “My boyfriend dumped me just before we went on break. OK? He up and dumped me after two years of me totes being there for him. Fuck him. And while we’re at it, fuck my life. I’m still in love with him. I shouldn’t be taking this out on everyone here, especially on Lisa and Tank, but I am. I’ll pull it together. I’ll be nice.” She looked over her shoulder, where Tank and Alex were gathering bags out of the SUV. “I should apologize to Lisa and Tank in person. It was pretty rotten what I said to them in New York.”

  “Why don’t you leave that alone for now?” I suggested, not wanting her to say something potentially worse even if she didn’t mean to. “You’ve already apologized. And I’m sorry what happened to you, Daniella, especially before the holidays. Your ex is an idiot. Look at you, for God’s sake. You’re beautiful. It’s going to be tough for him to replace you.”

  “I know. Like, right?”

  “Totally.”

  “Mom said you were super nice. For once, I guess she was right. I hope we can become friends.”

  “We already are. Maybe I’ll even make you the perfect martini later tonight.”

  “I’ve never had a martini.”

  “You haven’t?”

  “No. It’s usually a cosmo for me.”

  “A martini is even better. Not so long ago, a stranger who then became a dear friend of mine once said that she would make me one as smooth as silk and as cold as January. And she did, just when I needed it most. I’ll do the same for you.”

  “I’m way into that,” she said.

  “Then consider it done. Now, how about if we stay here so you don’t ruin your shoes, and I’ll help the boys with the bags? There are a lot of them. I’ll help lug them into the house.”

  “I can help.”

  “Help your mother. She can barely walk. And I think she’d appreciate your help.”

  “I probably should do something nice for her.”

  And with that, Daniella walked away from me, went over to her sister, said something in her ear, and I heard Alexa say, “I get it. Don’t worry about it. You’re just in a rotten mood. It’ll pass.”

  “Do you need some help, Mom?” Daniella said.

  “From you? Stay away from me. I know what you’re up to. You’ll throw me into the snow.”

  “I will not. Now, give me your arm. I’m sorry I was such a bitch earlier.”

  “What’s gotten into you?”

  “I’ll tell you later. I’ve had a bad few days.”

  “Well, why haven’t you told me about it?”

  “I don’t know. It’s probably still too fresh.”

  Crisis averted? I wasn’t sure, but I certainly hoped so.

  Naturally, I was wrong.

  CHAPTER NINE

  When we were in the house and had unpacked our belongings in our respective bedrooms, Blackwell announced that someone had to take her to the grocery store.

  “Who’s up for that task?” she said. “I’ve got some cooking to do, and I need food to do it.”

  “I can take you,” Tank said.

  “I assume we’re hours away from a store? The closest one is what? Probably in Boston?”

  “We’re about thirty minutes from the local Hannaford. It’s in Ellsworth.”

  “What the hell kind of a name for a town is ‘Ellsworth,’ anyway? And what’s a ‘Hannaford’.”

  “It’s a chain of grocery stores in Maine,” I offered. “They’re very good. You’ll find what you need there. Especially there. They’re used to catering to people like you.”

  “What do you mean, ‘people like me’?”

  “The summer crowd.”

  “But apparently, I’m part of the winter crowd.”

  “Plenty of summer people come back here for the holidays.”

  “They must hate themselves. Anyway,” she said to Tank, “we should go. I have lists that need to be checked off. And I need your big brawny muscles to carry the bags and to push the carts. Does anyone want anything special while I’m gone?”

  “World peace,” Alexa said.

  Blackwell just looked at her and blinked. “What’s happened to you?” she said. “Who stole away my child?”

  “No one. I’ve become socially conscious.”

  “Oh, my dear. I’m so sorry. What a disappointment you’re in for. But I support you. You know that I do.”

  “It sure as hell doesn’t sound it.”

  “But I do.”

  “I had the house stocked yesterday,” Alex said. “We have lots of food, snacks, wine, liquor—pretty much everything. You should check the fridge and pantry before you leave.”

  “I will, but my list is filled with the exotic. I should have given it to you when you had your little elves do their shopping, but whatever. It’s probably best that I choose the food myself, anyway. In researching this meal, I’ve learned that you need to pay attention to little things like—I don’t know—expiration dates. That sort of thing.”

  Was she serious? I looked across the room at Lisa, who locked eyes with mine in a way that suggested horror, but I didn’t want to know. If Christmas dinner went belly up, there always was the Crocker House, which was one of the best restaurants on the Point. I decided that I’d secretly make reservations there in case we found at the last minute that we needed a good place to eat.

  * * *

  When Tank and Blackwell left, I went over to Alex, asked if he’d be willing to entertain the girls for awhile, and when he agreed, I took Lisa aside.

  “Let’s go and see your room,” I said.

  “And have a chat?”

  “I’d like that.”

  “I think we should catch up.”

  “I couldn’t agree more.”

  “We haven’t caught up in a while.”

  “And there’s so much to say.”

  We went down to the first floor, where there was a huge family room that featured a large-screen television, a small kitchenette area with a refrigerator, a microwave and a bar, and plenty of comfortable seating. There also were two bedrooms—one for Lisa and one for Tank.

  We went into Lisa’s bedroom, which, like Tank’s, had a gorgeous view of the ocean. Here, there was a king-sized bed, the walls were painted slate-blue, and the maple floors gleamed as if they’d just been polished, which of course they had.

  “So pretty,” I said. “I love the fireplace. And that’s some bed.”

  “All of this needs to lead to romance,” she said when she closed the door behind me.

  “I hear you on that. Do you see what I mean about these bedrooms being completely separate from the rest of the house? If anything happens between you two, you’ll have your privacy. And by the way, I happened to notice on the flight that you were holding hands.”

  “He reached for mine,” she said. “Can you believe it? And did you see him lean over and kiss me on the neck?”

  “I didn’t….”

  “Well, he did. And it was really sweet.”

  “May the Christmas Gods shine down and something wonderful fall upon you—like Tank’s naked body.”

  Lisa looked up at the ceiling. “Christmas Gods?” she said in a light voice. “Can you hear me? If you could make that happen for me, I
swear I’ll take out that scene in my new book in which the zombies eat the priests.”

  “You have a scene in your book in which zombies eat priests? What’s wrong with you?”

  “The kids will love it, but I’m willing to sacrifice it for a night with Tank.”

  She sat on the edge of the bed while I took the leather chair facing her in the corner of the room. “Comfy,” I said about the chair. “And because it’s leather, it won’t stain.”

  “You’re terrible.”

  “I’m just giving you ideas. What did you two talk about on the way here? I was too busy trying to keep the peace between Daniella and Alexa.”

  “Those two might be the end of us.”

  “I really felt for you and Tank when Daniella started to talk about Tank’s Christmas balls banging away in the night.”

  “I didn’t. I was hoping he heard her. I was hoping that he knew that others in the room felt that something wasn’t right between us. Look, at this point, I’ll take what I can get from that man.”

  “As you should.”

  “It’s been months!”

  “About Daniella,” I said. “There’s a chance that she isn’t a total terror. When we arrived here, she apologized to me for her behavior back at Wenn. I could tell that she was sincere about it. Her boyfriend dumped her just before she left university for New York, which explains her moodiness—at least to a point.”

  “Ugh, I hate breakups.”

  “Fortunately, I’ve only been through a brief one with Alex.”

  “Lucky you.”

  “What did you and Tank talk about on the plane?”

  “You know him—he’s nothing if not the strong and silent type. But he did tell me that he was glad that we were spending Christmas together. And get this—he finally asked me what I was doing for New Year’s Eve.”

  “Really? That’s positive. What did you say?”

  “I said I had no plans. I said that I was hoping to spend it with him.”

  “And?”

  “He asked me if I’d like to go to dinner in the city that night.”

  “Excellent.”

  “Naturally, I said that I’d love to.”

  “So, you’re moving in the right direction.”

  “We’ve moved in that direction before. We keep having these stops and starts. I don’t get it. I just hope that our plans for New Year’s Eve don’t go south.”

  I pointed to the closed door across the room. “You do know that you have adjoining rooms, don’t you?”

  “Oh, I know.”

  “What was it like when you unpacked?”

  “That’s the tragic part. When we first came down here, I don’t think he knew that there were two bedrooms. Alex didn’t tell him that, which was sly on his part. Not knowing the house, we each came into this room first. Tank put our suitcases on the bed, we unzipped them, I went into some netherworld because I couldn’t believe what was happening, and then he saw the door. He went around to see where it led, and then he apologized profusely when he realized that through it was another bedroom meant for him. I wanted to say that there was plenty of room here, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it, so he took his bag and unpacked in there. I wanted to cry when he left.”

  “Something’s bound to happen. But why is the door closed? Who closed it?”

  “He did.”

  “So, open it. Send a message.”

  She flipped over the bed and opened the door wide. “If I had a door stopper, I’d put it there.”

  “Does he know anything about your potential deal with Wenn Publishing?”

  “I told him about it, but I never mentioned how much Blackwell said it might be worth. I think if I told him that I might receive a five-million-dollar advance, he’d think that I was out of his league. That’s just who he is. So, I told him that there was the possibility of a publishing deal, which pleased him. He told me that I deserved it. He said that he was proud of me.”

  “You’re going to have to tell him at some point.”

  “Only if we’re intimate. I owe him nothing until then. We’re still ‘dating,’ for God’s sake. Neither of us have used the words ‘boyfriend’ or ‘girlfriend.’ We don’t refer to ourselves as a couple. If I weren’t so insanely attracted to him, I would have given up a month ago. But he’s the total package. He’s a sweet guy, great looking, a total gentleman, but maybe a bit too well-mannered for his own good.”

  “Have you thought of making the first move?”

  “No. You know me—I won’t do that. It’s on him.”

  “So, how long are you giving this?”

  “If something substantial hasn’t happened by New Year’s Eve, I’m done. At that point, it will be time to just be friends, and move on. Maybe Alex has a few friends he can introduce me to. I’m ready to date someone seriously at this point. None of this half-ass shit, regardless of how great I think Tank is.”

  “Have you even talked to him about it?”

  “What’s to say?”

  “Are you joking? At this point, you ask him where you two stand.”

  “I’m used to the guy making that move.”

  “And where has that gotten you? You might have to make that move yourself if you want to be with him. And what can it hurt? If he’s not ready, you’ll have your answer. If he’s still freaked out about being cheated on by his ex, then you part ways. But at the very least, I’d have a heart-to-heart with him, Lisa. Find out what he’s feeling. Find out why he goes hot and cold so often. At this point, you deserve to know. You’ve been exclusive to him. That’s going to end soon. But for what it’s worth, before it does, here’s my advice—talk to him. Physically, Tank is a strong guy, but maybe he was hurt worse than you think. Maybe he’s more sensitive than he lets on. Find out.”

  “I guess I have no choice.”

  “I don’t want you to lose him without at least talking to him about it. Otherwise, all of these months will have been for nothing.”

  “I hate confrontation.”

  “It’s not confrontation. It’s conversation.”

  “All right. Let’s see how these next few days go. Maybe something will happen.”

  “Here’s an idea.”

  “I’ll take whatever you’ve got.”

  “Tonight, when each of you are ready for bed? Why not wear a sexy piece of lingerie, make sure the lights are on, and give him a meaningful kiss before he goes to sleep? Not on the cheek—on the lips. And when you lean in to kiss him? Put your hand on his chest. Hold it there for a moment. Look into his eyes. Then see what happens.”

  “What if nothing happens?”

  “Then we’ll wait and see.”

  “Until when?”

  “Christmas Eve. Maybe Christmas night. Because if nothing happens if you do that tonight, he’ll still be processing it. He’ll still be thinking about it. I can guarantee you that. We’re only here for a few days. If nothing happens? You have that conversation with him when you go home to New York. As much as I don’t want this to happen, I’m going to be honest with you, Lisa. You might have to end it right there and be a free agent. You need to be prepared for that. You can always spend New Year’s Eve with me and Alex. You won’t spend it alone.”

  Her voice was thick when she said, “I don’t want to end it.”

  “I know you don’t. I don’t want you to, either.”

  Still, when she said it, she put her hands over her face, and I did what I could while she took a deep breath and faced the limitations of the man she was with. Either Tank could trust her, or he couldn’t. That wasn’t for me to judge, because I’d never know how deeply he was hurt. So, I sat beside her on the bed, put my arm around her, and said, “You deserve someone who is ready for a relationship. If he isn’t, my best advice is to move on. Alex has many single friends who are looking for someone special like you. I’ll see to it that you meet some of them.”

  But when she pulled her hands away from her face, I saw the grief in her eyes. “I know you mea
n well, and I appreciate that, but I want him. I really do. When it’s good, it’s great. I just don’t know how to get past whatever is holding us back.”

  I had to be truthful to her, so I said what I felt. “At this point, it’s not up to you. It’s up to him. If he’s too damaged, you can’t change that. My best advice is to say goodbye to him and move on.”

  “You make it sound easy.”

  “It’s not easy. But most of life isn’t easy. Like moving away from our parents, leaving behind our friends, and moving to Manhattan? That wasn’t easy, and neither will this. Still, you need to know where you stand with him. If at the very least, for your own sake.”

  CHAPTER TEN

  Later that afternoon, after Blackwell and Tank had returned from the local Hannaford, I was able to steal away a moment with Alex, whom I’d barely seen since we’d arrived.

  “Walk on the beach with me?” I asked.

  “It’ll be cold, but we’ll have our privacy.”

  “I just need to be with you.”

  “And I need to be with you. I’m not sure if this was the best idea, and that’s on me.”

  “It was a fine idea. What’s the holidays without a healthy shot of drama and dysfunction? Everyone will pull it together. Eventually, we’ll have fun. You’ll see. And if Blackwell blows it in the kitchen, I have a backup plan.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Christmas dinner at the Crocker House.”

  “I haven’t been there in years, not since I was a kid. I love that place. I wonder if it’s the same?”

  “It’s still very good and very charming. I was there last year. Same owner. I talked with him, told him the situation, and he said to call at three to let him know if we were on or not. That way, he’d be able to fill our table should Blackwell come through with dinner.”

  “You’re a genius.”

  “I just want to eat something edible.”

  “Let me get your coat.”

  He went to the closet, pulled out my red cashmere overcoat, and helped me into it. Then he put on a black leather bomber jacket that I thought looked especially hot on him, and we each put on our gloves.